


A Hipster, A Chicken Enthusiast, And An Aspiring Dolphin Trainer

by waitineedaname



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/F, M/M, NB!Mikael, Other, The Balloon Squad (SKAM), Yousef gushes about how wonderful Sana is like four million times in this, based on an edit I found on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 18:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12238767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitineedaname/pseuds/waitineedaname
Summary: Yousef doesn't have any game. His friends don't either, but that doesn't stop them from trying to give him advice anyway.





	A Hipster, A Chicken Enthusiast, And An Aspiring Dolphin Trainer

**Author's Note:**

> Do you ever get struck by a piece of dialogue out of nowhere and just have to write something for it??? Yeah I've wanted to write Mikael calling Yousef a useless heterosexual since August
> 
> This is based on the best edit I've ever found right [here](https://koedder-du.tumblr.com/post/163909528119/skam-nyt-minus-context-1)
> 
> I promise the next chapter of the werewolf fic is on its way, I just had to get this out of me first!

“Why am I so bad at this?” Yousef wailed, burying his face in his arms.

“Because you’re a useless heterosexual.” Mikael answered matter-of-factly, grinning at him from where they were draped across Adam’s lap. Adam shoved their legs, which only made them snicker more.

“Don’t be a dick.”

“No, they’re right.” Yousef groaned, his voice muffled by his arms. “I am a useless heterosexual.”

“What’s Mikael right about?” said Even, striding over and dropping himself into the seat next to Yousef.

“Yousef’s complaining about flirting with Sana.” Adam explained, rolling his eyes.

“It’s difficult, okay!” Yousef lifted his head so he could gesture wildly. “She’s so beautiful and smart and funny and I just end up making a fool out of myself!”

Even hummed sympathetically. “That sucks, buddy.” He shrugged, popping something green and rectangular into his mouth. The three of them stared at him and his chewing slowed. “...What?”

“What are you _eating?”_ Yousef sounded equally mystified and disgusted.

“...Kelp chips?” Even said hesitantly, holding up the bag.

“Holy shit,” Mikael’s voice shook with laughter. “You’re such a hipster.”

“What? No I’m not!”

“You’re eating _seaweed.”_

“It’s good for you!” Even bristled. “Besides, you have your hair in a manbun. If anyone is a hipster, it’s you.”

“It’s not a manbun if the person wearing it isn’t a man.” Mikael pointed out.

“...Fair. What is it though? A nonbinary bun?”

“A Mik-bun?” Adam suggested and Mikael’s face lit up.

“Yeah! A Mik-bun!” They kissed Adam’s cheek before turning their smirk on Even. “Also, your hair is up in a quiff, so that’s ten times worse. You’re one beard away from owning a restaurant that serves breakfast on a shovel.”

“I did try to grow a beard one time.” Even admitted with an embarrassed grin. “It didn’t turn out well. Isak made me shave it off because he said I looked creepy.”

Yousef, who had been watching the conversation without much input up until this point, gasped like he’d just had a sudden realization. “That’s it!” Now it was his turn to get stared at. “Even, you’re the only one of us in a committed relationship. With the exception-” Yousef added at a louder volume to drown out Mikael and Adam’s protests, “-of these two, who are both unhelpful idiots. You’ve got to have flirting tips, right? How’d you get Isak’s attention?”

Even stared at him like a deer in the headlights. “Um. I kinda just stared at him from afar for a couple months, and then stole all the paper towels from the bathroom so I could lure him outside with weed.”

A beat of silence passed while he squirmed under his friends’ eyes.

“You’re even worse than Yousef.” Mikael shook their head as if they were ashamed to be friends with him. Yousef groaned and dropped his head onto the table again, and Even patted his shoulder.

“Sorry, man. Why don’t you just talk to her? I’m pretty sure she likes you back - it wouldn’t be that bad.”

If only it were that easy.

\-----

“Look at them!” Mutasim whisper-yelled, poking his finger through the wires of the cage. “They’re so small.”

“Mutta, I’m pretty sure you don’t have to whisper.” Yousef said with a sigh. Mutta had insisted he come with him to the farmer’s market the moment it opened, but so far he hadn’t bought anything - instead, he’d made a beeline for one vendor in particular. The booth that normally sold eggs had something special this weekend: newly hatched baby chickens.

Mutta ignored Yousef’s comment and held out his hands for the farmer to gently place a squeaking ball of fluff on his palms. “It likes me!” Mutasim squealed, holding it up to his face. “Look!”

He shoved the chick in Yousef’s face and Yousef humored him, stroking the chick’s head with one of his fingers. It peeped at him and snuggled down into Mutta’s hands and okay, maybe it was a little bit cute.

“So,” Mutasim gave him a conspiratorial grin, pulling the bird back to his chest, “I heard you’re having girl troubles.”

“Dude, I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. Did Adam put you up to this?”

Mutta again ignored him. “Why haven’t you come to me for advice yet?” He looked a bit offended.

“...Mutta.” Yousef sighed. “You know I love you, right?”

“You always say that before you say something mean, so no, actually.”

“You’re _terrible_ with girls.” Mutasim squawked in offense.

“I am not!”

“The only chick you’re ever going to get is that one.” Yousef said, pointing to the baby chicken falling asleep in Mutasim’s hands.

“...Okay, that was a good pun, I’ll give you that.” He handed the chick back over to the farmer and squirted hand sanitizer onto his hands. “That doesn’t mean you’re right, though. I’m way better with girls than you are. You haven’t had a girlfriend since that girl when we were like seven, and that lasted about three days.”

Yousef’s posture crumpled. He couldn’t deny it. Mutasim seemed to notice the dip in Yousef’s demeanor, and he swung an arm around Yousef’s shoulders.

“What I’m trying to say is that I wanna help you, man! One bro to another.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Okay, what you have to do is ask her out somewhere. Not somewhere expensive, because that’s way too much this early on. It’s gotta be casual, you know? And in a place where you can chat, unlike a movie, but also don’t have to be focused on each other the whole time.”

Yousef squinted at him suspiciously. “It sounds like you have somewhere in mind.”

Mutta grinned from ear to ear. “I do. Are you ready for it?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“So, this place,” He gestured to the booth. “They have a farm that people can visit, yeah? And they set up - wait for it - a petting zoo.”

Yousef gave him a blank look. “...You want me to take Sana to a petting zoo.”

“Yeah! It’s perfect! They’ve got all these little baby chickens and goats and pigs and stuff, and you can feed them too.”

“Mutta-” Yousef pinched the bridge of his nose like he was getting a headache. “Sana hates farm animals.”

“...Wait, seriously?”

“The only time I’ve seen true fear on her face was when she was telling me about a goat that almost gave her a concussion when she was six. If I took her to a petting zoo, she’d never forgive me.”

“Damn…” Mutta put a hand on top of his head contemplatively, like pressing his hat into his hair would somehow give him a solution. “...That’s all I’ve got, man. I thought that’d be the winner for sure.”

Yousef sighed and clapped Mutasim’s shoulder. “You tried. Now come on, you owe me breakfast for dragging me out of my house this early in the morning.”

They set off in the direction of the nearest brunch place, and Mutta was quiet in a way that Yousef knew meant he was thinking. “...Have you asked-”

“No,” Yousef winced. “I haven’t.”

“You know he’d be the best one to ask, right?”

Yousef scuffed his foot against the ground. Yeah. He knew.

\-----

“Why are we doing this again?” Yousef asked, watching Elias surface at the deep end of the pool.

“Because!” Elias swam over to where Yousef sat, his pants rolled up and feet dangling in the water. “If I want to get that internship at the aquarium, I have to buff up my swimming.”

“But why?” 

Elias rolled his eyes and pulled himself out of the pool, grabbing his towel. “I want to work with the dolphins, duh. And they only let people that can swim at a certain level to work with them.”

“Ah.” Yousef was still a little confused by Elias’s sudden interest in dolphins, but he’d learned to roll with it. Elias had taken his gap year to try and figure out what he wanted to do with his life, and that meant a new interest every week. Last week, it was lion taming. The week before, it was underwater statue carving. If Yousef had any say in it, he’d tell Elias to just stick to the YouTube channel or even try to go into the talk show business; Elias was a natural in front of the camera and his easy charm would help him go far. But it wasn’t up to Yousef, so he just tried to be a good best friend and step back and let Elias figure himself out. Even if that meant timing endless laps across the pool until he managed to get it to the time he wanted.

“So,” Yousef started after a few minutes of silence. “I need some advice.”

“Whatever you need, bro. What’s going on?”

Yousef stared at the bottom of the pool, swirling his feet around absently as he struggled to come up with the right words. He knew Elias was well aware of his crush on Sana and didn’t mind past “you better not hurt my little sister”. In fact, he was pretty sure Elias was relieved that it was Yousef pining over his sister and not someone else, because he knew he could trust him. That didn’t mean bringing it up was easy, though.

“I can’t figure out how to ask Sana out.” He finally said. Elias made a choked noise around his water bottle.

“You still haven’t officially asked her out? Jeez, no wonder she’s been mopey.” Elias shook his head, clearly exasperated by how useless his friend was. Yousef sighed and leaned back until he was lying on his back.

“I just don’t know _how._ I mean- She’s so smart and witty and she deserves the best date possible, but I don’t know if I can give her that.”

“Dude,” Elias fixed a very serious look on him, “You could take her to the dump and she’d still like you.” Yousef whined a bit and buried his face in his arms. “No, I’m serious. She’s really into you. You don’t need to be psyching yourself out like this. You like her, she likes you, and you have enough sense not to treat her like shit, so you just need to go for it. Don’t overthink it, just ask her out somewhere. Take her to the park or something, she’d like that.”

Yousef slowly lifted his arms and looked at him. “...Do you really think it’d work?”

“Trust me. I live with her. She’s crazy about you.”

And Yousef might have known she liked him back, but there was something about hearing it out loud from the person he trusts the most and who knows her best that put a smile on his face.

 

\-----

His talk with Elias had given him a bit of a confidence boost. But not quite enough. Yousef still found himself opening up their Facebook chats, fingers poised to write something - anything - and then leaving without sending a single word. If he was feeling bold, he might send her a meme or something that reminded him of her, and she’d respond positively every time, but somehow it just wasn’t enough to push him forward and ask.

He was in the Bakkoush’s kitchen, getting the snacks his friends had requested (demanded). In his defense, he thought she wasn’t home. He thought she was out with her friends, or maybe out with her mom, or anywhere that wasn’t the house. So when he turned around to find her in the doorway, the shriek that left him was totally justified. He was startled, okay?

Her mouth twisted like she was really, _really_ trying not to laugh at him. She tapped the straw of a coffee cup against her lips, and ah, so _that’s_ where she was. “Hi.”

“Hi. Shit, you scared me.” He put at hand to his heart, a somewhat dramatic gesture that he hoped would make her laugh, and it did.

“It is my house, you know. You shouldn’t be surprised that I’m here.” She had a point, and Yousef couldn’t really explain himself any better than shrugging and making a strangled noise that he hoped sounded close to an excuse. She smiled at him, her eyes twinkling with amusement, then lifted her chin in determination. “So, I’ve heard you’re trying to ask someone out on a date.”

Yousef’s heart stopped. _What._ He started to panic, terrified that she was under the impression that he was trying to date someone other than her, but the confident smirk on her face told him she knew _exactly_ who it was. Who told her? Was it Elias? Did Even tell Isak, who told Sana? Was it-

“And,” She continued, cutting off the frantic tangent his mind was going off on, “I’ve heard you’re doing a terrible job of doing it yourself.”

Yousef laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, I just want it to be the best date possible for her.” He looked at her hopefully, praying that she caught his drift. She squeezed her lips together in a smile, dimples popping and somehow making her more gorgeous than before.

“Well, I know that she doesn’t mind where you take her on a date. In fact, she’s willing to ask you out first, since you can’t do it yourself.” Yousef’s eyes widened as she spoke. Was she really-? “Picnic at Slottsparken this Saturday. 2pm. You bring the food.”

Yousef could cry from joy. He really could. He smiled from ear to ear and nodded, trying and failing to not seem too eager. “That sounds great. Let her know I’ll be happy to see her.”

Sana smirked, but there was so much happiness in it that it seemed more like a genuine smile. “I’m sure she’ll say the same.” She winked, and with that, she left.

Yousef leaned his weight against the countertop and turned his eyes towards the ceiling, grinning like a fool. He might not have any game, and his friends might not either, but at least Sana had enough to last them forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I live for feedback <3
> 
> Come visit my [tumblr](http://waitineedaname.tumblr.com/) if you wanna yell about the Bakka boys w/ me


End file.
